The mental saboteurs keeping you from your next chapter and how to overcome them
This post was first published on my Medium blog—follow me there for the most up-to-date entries!
A young nurse said she was exhausted. Not from the shift, but from the mental tug-of-war in her own head. She asked, “What’s stopping me from leaving my bedside nursing job?” She knew she wanted to make a change, but something kept her frozen. Second-guessing. Judging. Delaying.
Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever asked yourself that type of question, you’re not alone. Even when the body is ready to pivot, the mind doesn’t always follow. That’s where Positive Intelligence comes in.
What is Positive Intelligence?
The concept comes from Shirzad Chamine. He explains that much of our mental suffering comes from our “Saboteurs” — inner critics that take over when we feel uncertainty, pressure, or fear.
There are 10 Saboteurs, but one rules them all: the Judge. The Judge then recruits various accomplices (like the Avoider, Pleaser, or Hyper-Achiever), depending on your personality, history, and coping patterns.
Nursing culture trains us to be competent, helpful, busy, and high achieving. These Saboteurs feed off that training. They sound like they’re keeping you responsible. In reality, they keep you stuck.
The good news? To combat the Saboteurs, we also have access to 5 Sage powers.
What is the Sage?
Our Sage powers are inner strengths that help us handle change, take action, and trust our deeper wisdom:
Empathize: Meet yourself with compassion rather than criticism.
Explore: Get curious instead of judgmental.
Innovate: Imagine new ways forward you haven’t tried yet.
Navigate: Align your actions with what matters most.
Activate: Take clear, calm steps forward — even in uncertainty.
Your Sage helps you face hard decisions with clarity, steadiness, and grounded confidence. It doesn’t shout. It leads.
If the Saboteurs are loud, reactive, and rooted in fear, the Sage is the quiet voice of wisdom. It’s the part of you that stays calm under pressure, grounded in what matters, and able to act without panic or apology. While Saboteurs sabotage your decisions, the Sage helps you move forward with clarity, confidence, and integrity.
Everyone has access to Sage powers — even if they’ve been drowned out by doubt or stress. Reconnecting with your Sage isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about remembering who you are when you’re not stuck in survival mode.
Which Saboteurs show up in the nurse pivot?
Although there are 10 Saboteurs total, four come up again and again when I talk to nurses about what’s stopping them from leaving their bedside nursing jobs:
1. The Judge
The Judge is the chief Saboteur. (The Judge also recruits the accomplice Saboteurs.) The Saboteur says:
- “This is your fault for not figuring things out sooner.”
- “Other people have it worse.”
- “If you were stronger, you wouldn’t feel this way.”
- “Don’t be dramatic. Everyone is burned out.”
- “You always do this — get excited, then quit.”
The Judge keeps you locked in shame, guilt, or frustration. It focuses on what you’re not doing well enough and convinces you that change is selfish, irresponsible, or unrealistic.
The Sage might respond:
- You did your best with what you had. Let’s take one action forward. (Empathize + Activate)
- Your pain matters. Let’s explore what support would help you most. (Empathize + Explore)
- Strength means noticing discomfort and choosing to act anyway. (Empathize + Activate)
- You’re allowed to feel what you feel. Burnout isn’t a competition. If something’s not sustainable for you, that matters — no matter what others are dealing with. (Empathize)
- This pattern is trying to tell you something. What has been missing, and what would help you keep going this time? (Explore)
Micro-shift: Track your energy for one day — note what drains or fuels you.
2. The Pleaser
The Saboteur says:
- “What will people think if I leave?”
- “My coworkers depend on me.”
- “If I quit without another job lined up, my spouse will not be happy.”
You might call this the caregiver’s Saboteur. It keeps you overcommitted and under-resourced. You might hear this voice when you ask what’s stopping you from leaving your bedside nursing job.
The Sage might say:
- You can honor others and still act for yourself. (Empathize + Activate)
- How can you leave with kindness and truth? (Navigate + Empathize)
- This decision affects both of us, and it’s okay to care about that. But your well-being matters too. What would it look like to have an honest conversation about your needs — and make a plan together? (Navigate)
Micro-shift: Say no (or not yet) to one small thing that drains you.
3. The Hyper-Achiever
The Saboteur says:
- “If I leave, I’ll have nothing to show for it.”
- “I worked so hard to get here. Starting over is failure.”
- “People will think I couldn’t cut it.”
This Saboteur ties your worth to your work and keeps you chasing approval — even when your heart wants something different.
The Sage might say:
- Everything you’ve built stays with you. What could you grow next? (Empathize + Explore)
- That work gave you strength. Let’s build something better with it. (Navigate + Innovate)
- What would you choose if their opinions didn’t matter? (Innovate + Activate)
Micro-shift: List 3 transferable skills or qualities you’ll carry into your next step.
4. The Avoider
The Saboteur says:
- “I’ll figure this out after the holidays.”
- “It’s not that bad yet.”
- “I don’t have time to think about this now.”
Avoidance often looks like busyness, distraction, or pushing decisions down the road. And sometimes, it sounds incredibly rational:
- “I’ll wait until I get the kids in college.”
- “My commute is fairly easy — why risk that?”
- “I’ve got seniority and some special privileges. I don’t want to give those up.”
The Sage might say:
- One honest step today can make the holidays feel lighter. (Navigate)
- You don’t have to wait for a crisis to choose something better. (Empathize + Explore)
- You’re busy, but what’s one decision you’ve been postponing that would give you some relief today? (Activate)
- Let’s explore what easy might be costing you. (Explore)
- Are those comforts still helping you grow? (Explore + Navigate)
- You’ve earned those for who you’ve been. But do they still serve the you you’re becoming? What matters most to you now? (Empathize + Navigate)
Micro-shift: Make a list of what you’re tolerating for convenience.
How do you quiet the Saboteurs?
Knowing your Saboteurs is one thing. Learning how to respond to them — without freezing, spiraling, or second-guessing yourself — is the real pivot point. This is where your Sage powers become practical. The five Sage powers aren’t just concepts; they’re tools for handling the exact mental friction that shows up when you consider leaving bedside nursing.
Empathy: Give yourself the compassion you give your patients. Your emotions are not weakness — they’re wisdom.
Explore: Ask: What’s really going on here? What might this feeling be trying to tell me?
The Judge says: “You’re being ungrateful. You’ll never make it outside this role.”
Curiosity says:
- “What’s making this feel scary right now?”
- “What do I actually want more of — and less of — in my work?”
- “What would happen if…?”
This last one is my favorite for all things “judge-y.” Honestly, I can’t always believe that everything will be just hunky dory if I move forward. But by asking that question, I open the door to a new possibility.
Remember this: The shift from Judging to Curiosity is the mental pivot from self-punishment to self-discovery.
Innovate: The Judge says: “There’s nothing left to try — I’ve already done everything.”
This is the voice of defeat, frustration, and tunnel vision. It could come from the Judge, the Restless, or even the Victim Saboteur.
The Sage says:
Betcha there’s a step that isn’t on the list you’ve already tried. Let’s design something new that fits where you are now.
This taps into the Innovate power by rejecting the binary choice of “what I’ve already done vs. nothing else.” It invites creativity, fresh strategy, and movement.
Purpose: Reconnect to the deeper reason you went into nursing — and the version of that purpose you want to carry into your next chapter. If you’re wondering what’s stopping you from leaving your bedside nursing job, this question — “What matters most to me now?” — can open new doors. (You might want to read my earlier post on Ikigai.)
Try it for yourself
Wondering what your biggest Saboteurs are? You can take the free Saboteur Assessment.
You don’t need a diagnosis. You need awareness. Dr. David Daniels’ Universal Growth Process posits that self-awareness is the first step to personal growth. And Dr. Chamine’s book Positive Intelligence emphasizes that weakening the Saboteurs and strengthening the Sages starts with self-awareness.
Self-awareness isn’t fluff. It’s the first step to a clear decision.
And from there, you can start to shift.
Final thought
If you’re trying to pivot out of nursing — or even just thinking about it — you owe it to yourself to know what voices are steering your thoughts. Especially if you keep asking yourself, “What’s stopping me from leaving my bedside nursing job?”
Because if you’re not choosing consciously, the Saboteurs will choose for you.
Your next chapter deserves better. If you need more help, book a free discovery call or DM me on LinkedIn.
Note: I’m not affiliated with the Positive Intelligence organization, and I’m not certified in their approach. I just think it’s one of the most practical frameworks for building self-awareness — which is the foundation for self-mastery.
I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
This post was first published on my Medium blog—follow me there for the most up-to-date entries!